Just kidding - I haven't actually tuned out for the past two months since May 10's Top 4 results show set the stage for a battle to determine whether Jessica Sanchez (please?), Phillip Phillips (God no) or Joshua Ledet (yeah right) would be crowned the 11th American Idol. (I have, however, gotten engaged, moved to a new apartment, started a side project at work, watched E3 trailers, played Mass Effect 3 and seen The Avengers twice. More on those later.)
No, what's kept me away this long has been sheer, bitter apathy after the two following weeks' results were spoiled to me on Twitter. None of it was majorly shocking - Twitter spoils things all the time, Joshua never had a chance of winning while black, and Phillip's tween legion was looking more unstoppable each week - but it sapped the life force out of my AI recapping and, as I said before, made me question whether I would ever watch the show again.
Well, here we are.
It's impossible to recapture the experience of watching the top 3, top 2 and finale shows immediately after they aired, so I come to this with the disclaimer that my opinions of these performances hold two months of bottled rage and angst as well as the usual season worth of momentum and years of comparisons.
With that said, however, let's hop in the wayback machine and examine the vocals that led to P-squared's coronation and find out if, as I predicted, he took the Taylor Hicks turd sandwich mantel of worst winner in AI history.
Joshua Ledet (I'd Rather Be Blind): The look, vocal slides and piano arrangement of this performance reminded me why, despite his frequent over-the-top ridiculata, Ledet's top three placement over the three previous eliminees didn't make me want to throw things at the wall. The screeching and scratchy scatting at the conclusion reminded me why I've never considered him a major threat to advance any further than that. Typical; or, to quote Serenity, "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal," Mr. Ledet. 60
Jessica Sanchez (My All): Fog, a purple prom dress and a raised platform spelled Idol-class missionary ballad position, but Jessica channeled the energy she might have used tripping over enormous heels to nail another diva classic (Mariah's a diva, right?). She was out of breath and ahead of the music too often for it to be a classic, but a touching, evocative performance that makes me glad I came back to AI despite the soul-crushing results just around the bend. 70
Phillip Phillips (Beggin'): The cynial side of me wants to hate Phillip for coming back with more guitar-ed alt-rock, but his tone actually worked for me in the beginning of this performance. Like Joshua, he degenerated into his schtick - grumbled growling with only vague hints of melody - but considering his previous performances (or what I still remember of them), this isn't bad for Phillip. Sadly, I don't grade on a curve. 40
Joshua Ledet (Imagine): Archuleta alert! That Joshua chose this subdued, gorgeous classic shows the complete lack of awareness he has of how to use his instrument, and the performance only proved that. More earnest than his usual, but still whiny, grating and got in a screech in at the end. Oy vey. 40
Jessica Sanchez (I Don't Want to Miss a Thing): Perhaps my favorite ballad of all-time, this was a canny choice for the one female left in the competition who can do it outside Steven Tyler's (and to a lesser extent David Cook's) shadow. As much as I loved the orchestral arrangement, however, the rest of this performance felt too studio-perfect to evoke the emotion and desperation that make this song a classic. Not at all unpleasant - please, Jessica, keep singing the best songs ever with those pipes - but not the classic it could have been given her prodigious talent. 65
Phillip Phillips (Disease): Stunning that Phillip would choose an alternative, guitar-driven, smoldering selection to keep the Phillip-bots sated, but I have to give him credit for strategy if nothing - absolutely nothing - else. 25
Joshua Ledet (No More Drama): The bouncing, shouting manner of this vocal clashed so spectacularly with the song's tone and message I half-expected Mary J. Blige to come out of the audience and storm onto the stage to show the continually clueless Joshua how to deliver a song with control and emotion. Unlike his predecessors, there would be no stunningly great exit performance for this week's victim. 15
Jessica Sanchez (I'll Be There): On the cusp of the last vote she'd have a chance to survive (not that I'm bitter), Jessica uncorked a clear, inspiring performance of a song that's neither an Idol missionary ballad or the kind of up-tempo radio tripe she's tried to strengthen all year. Nothing spectacular here, but a fun, powerhouse performance to remind us that Jessica's far and away the best pure vocalist of the season and the best Idol's seen in some time. 80
Phillip Phillips (We've Got Tonight): The only thing more incredible than Ryan Seacrest claiming Phillip is competing for the finale rather than the crown is this performance itself. Out of nowhere, Phillip used his obvious vocal talents, sans guitar, bedroom eyes or alt-rock to deliver one of my favorite performances of the season. Sublime orchestral arrangement, beautifully understated staging and actual singing - singing! - made this performance an instant classic and an absolute, honest-to-God, where-the-hell-did-that-come-from stunner from my most-hated AI contestant in years. 90
A fun, polarizing show overall, with exciting implications for the finale. I'll skip the power poll - I've been making recap-text love to Jessica and spitting on Phillip's smoldering face for months - but I'm excited to see if the final AI 11 performance show was, as Simon Cowell said of Cook-Archuleta (and fit better with DeWyze-Bowersox), a knockout.
Back soon with that, a recap of the final AI show of the year and an extremely late postmortem that asks how the show can recapture the magic of the season's first half next spring. Hint: Everything must go.
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