Sayonara, Idol

(NOTE: I wrote most of this April 8 but couldn't bring myself to hit 'publish' because it's (a) sad and (b) SUPER indulgent. After heavy editing, it is still very much both of those things. I hope someone out there will enjoy it regardless.)

It's strange to mourn something you gave up on.

American Idol ended last night, and I thought I didn't care. I didn't flinch when I read the show was cancelled, and I didn't tune in for the finale. I didn't even know when it was. I stopped watching Idol four years ago and rarely missed it, so why should it matter now?

Then, this morning, just for nostalgia's sake, I loaded up WhatNotToSing.com and Michael Slezak's page on TVLine, my two go-to sources for Idol in its heyday. I read what WNTS posted last week about the site's future, saw what Slezak wrote about last night's show, watched the final performance and wanted to cry.

I don't regret bailing on Idol when I did. It had run its course for me, the same way it did for a lot of people around season five, when ratings peaked. I'm sure I missed out on great performers the same way the people who bailed then missed out on Adam Lambert, Haley Reinhart and Elise Testone - but I'd come to terms with it.

Still, it hurts to know that all the people like WNTS and Slezak who loved the show even more deeply than I did won't get to obsess over it anymore. It hurts to know new fans, who weren't around or even alive when Kelly Clarkson first sang "A Moment Like This," won't get to dive in headfirst anymore. A part of American culture died last night.

 

Sure, The Voice and other singing and talent shows are still on the air. But they're not Idol. The show that birthed Chris Daughtry, David Cook and Carrie Underwood - people whose music became the soundtrack of my late teens and early 20s - is no more. And I can't come back, even if I wanted to.

(Postscript: WNTS later published an editorial with a theorized launch date for American Idol 2.0 and a few awesome suggestions to improve the show. If the powers that be use some of them, I might come back after all.)

My favorite Idol memories:

• Half-watching the season three finale the same day I saw Shrek 2 in theaters, immediately forgetting about the movie - which I reviewed anyway *shifty eyes* - and spending the next week thinking about Idol and when I could watch it again.
• Cheering for Carrie Underwood as she blew away the competition, including my mom's favorite, Bo Bice, in season four. ("In a Dream" was my first 'Holy shit' Idol moment, but I was smitten. And Carrie slayed "Alone.") On the bright side, we didn't have to deal with a man singing "Inside Your Heaven" on the radio for months. Trust me, it's not as funny as you're imagining.

(Credit: decider.com)

• Drifting in and out of seasons five and six, which I'll always remember for giving us Chris Daughtry, who I didn't like much at the time, but Mom did; Katherine McPhee's "Over the Rainbow"; Kellie Pickler; Blake Lewis' "You Give Love a Bad Name"; Melinda Doolittle; and (shudder) Sanjaya.
• Watching David Cook, my mom's favorite, sneak up on and overtake mine, David Archuleta, in season seven. Mom was always right. (See also: "Billie Jean.") For me, this is the best Idol season, top to bottom - and the last time I remember my mom, my dad and me being in the same room, happy.
• Making a mix CD from season seven's iTunes recordings that I listened to non-stop during the worst months of my life and still play to this day. I won't tell you my "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" story, but it's burned on my brain.
• Walking to the quad the next fall to Daughtry's first album and knowing that, even though it hurt like hell, everything would be OK. "Over You" and "What About Now" sound very different when you're mourning.
• Getting hooked on WNTS and Idology, Slezak's video recap, during season eight and realizing I looked forward to them more than Idol. When someone yells "surprise," I will always think of Alison Iraheta.
• Deciding Adam Lambert was the best Idol contestant of all time - you have GOT to hear "Ring of Fire" and "Mad World" - but eventually being kind of OK with Kris Allen beating him. Must be the June 21 birthday. Or "Heartless."
• Rooting for Lee DeWyze, my dad's boss' friend/relative/something-or-other, even though I knew Crystal Bowersox was a MUCH better performer. (Recommended viewing: "Up to the Mountain.") Season nine's was the first Idol finale that really broke my heart.

I was always more of a fan of white girls with guitars. (Credit: nj.com)

• Going to the Mt. Vernon library to watch Idol on YouTube, then wasting hours at the Register-News making performance-rating spreadsheets, then calling my dad from Walmart to say why the ratings he emailed were all wrong, then feeling like I wasn't totally alone in the "real world." (We agreed on Haley Reinhart's exceptional "House of the Rising Sun," FWIW.)
• Watching Phillip Phillips, who impressed me zero times during season eleven and pretty much convinced me to stop watching (didn't the voters SEE "Whole Lotta Love" from Elise Testone?!), become one of Idol's most successful and artistically-interesting winners. Who knew.